Ahh, Konoha's Randomness
by M E L A N C H 0 4 Y
Summary: Just another day at Konoha. A one-shot crack-fic full of cheese, insults against the Hokage, chickenbutts, ramen, underwear, sand, allergy pills and anything else you can think of. So come on down to the Weird Village!


**A/N: Hey guys!**

**This was actually my first fanficcy. I went back on it a couple days this week and found lots of errors as to my writing. And I mean lots. ^^||**

**I now leave you to my original introduction.**

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**_(Speaks with British accent)_ Well then, jib-jabbering won't get us anywhere, I suggest we start, roll out the film! _*Thumbs up*_ Enjoy!**

**Sakura: Excuse me? Sorry to interrupt but aren't you—**

**Naruto: Oh yeah, I'll do it for, uh… What's your name again? Ah. What'syournameagain-chan doesn't own me, a certain person does. So Sakura-chan, would you... come on a date to Ichiraku's with me?**

**Sakura: OF COURSE NOT BAKA! YOU READ A DISCLAIMER THEN YOU INVITE ME ON A DATE?**

**Naruto: B-but Sakura-chan... _(Goes to mushy mode)_ Sakura, your hair looks beautiful and your eyes glimmer like the stars, would you go on a date to Ichiraku's with me?**

**Sakura: *Blushes* Thank you Naruto, of course I would.**

**_(Runs into the sunset in slow motion)_**

**The heck? _*Sweatdrop*_ Oh well. _(Shouts at them)_ Okay then, thanks Naruto! Have fun you two!**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Are they gone now? Sheesh, cheesy love. Naruto's, that is.**

**Oh, and by the way, this is a one-shot and a crack-fic if you didn't know. :D And sorry if it's boring, I'm no good at fanfics. I find it kind of corny, random... and corny. Well, mostly random of course.**

* * *

Author (That's me alright...)

_Thought_

**Sasuke's Inner/ **_**Sakura's Inner**_

Note: They're all 14 years old here.

* * *

It was a peaceful day in Konoha. The birds chirping, the sweet scent of a beautiful morning, and the gleaming sunlight from a window—which leads us to a person named Naruto Uzumaki.

He was still sleeping on his bed, his body under the covers except for his head where a smile was plastered on his face. The sunlight from his window bounced from glass to glass until it hit his face and before you know it, he was screami—

"Ahh! The LIGHT! IT BUUUURNS!" He was running around in circles, until, he tripped on a bug.

"Gaaahhh!" And he fell flat on his face. Hey, that was kind of funny, let's do that again: '_Until he tripped on a bug._' "Gaaahhh!" And he fell flat on his face. Hahaha! Oh Kami, I'm laughing my head off. Haha, have mercy! "Okay, that's just mean..." Oops, sorry, my bad. Okay then back to the story. _(Clears throat)_

After Naruto tripped on a bug and fell anime style, he helped himself stand up, went for a quick shower and dressed in his usual orange jacket clothing. Then, he rushed to Ichiraku's. Oh Naruto, predictable much?

_(1 second later o_O)_

"One miso ramen please! Extra LARGE!"

The ramen shop owner's eyes twitched upon Naruto's hyperactivity. "O-ok. Geez, this kid is so, so… Oh I don't know, hyperactive much?"

_(100 bowls of ramen later)_

"That was one satisfying meal. Here's my pay!"

"I-I didn't know you c-could eat t-that much Naruto, this is your best record so far..!"

"Ne? You keep track of how much ramen I eat? Wow, never knew being a regular customer has its perks."

"Nah. I just like to compare your ramen servings every day for some reason I don't know."

"Uh-oh, I don't feel so good—Aah! Bye Ichiraku!" Before the ramen shop owner could say anything, Naruto dashed out of the shop and straight into his apartment's comfort room.

* * *

_(1 hour in the comfort room later)_

"Whew, that's better." And he went outside to visit Sasuke...

* * *

_(Inside Sasuke's apartment)_

He was watching TV on his couch when suddenly he fell asleep.

_*Knock* *Knock*_ "Sasuke? you there?"

"..." No answer.

_*BANG* *BANG*_ "Sasuke!"

"..." No answer.

_*Knock* *Knock*_ "Uh teme? You dead, man?"

"..." Still no answer.

"Okay, THAT'S IT!" And Naruto grabbed a large tree trunk from out of nowhere and barged into his apartment.

"Gaaah!" Sasuke fell onto the floor with a loud _*Thud!*._ "Ugh... Okaasan, is it lunch already?"

Naruto stared at his friend who was flat on the floor and said "Okaasan? I'm not your Mom baka, and I'm mostly not cooking you lunch!"

Sasuke stood up, scratching the back of his neck. "Who said you're gonna cook me lunch, dobe."

"Um, was that a rhetorical question?"

"Hn. Baka."

"Nevermind... So, are you doing anything this afternoon?"

"Why do you care?"

"Well, I wanted to practice at the training grounds today, so, mind if you practice with me? It's alright if you refuse, 'cause I already know how much of a scaredy-cat you are, ne Sasuke?" Naruto had a jeering look on his face and started to meow like a cat.

Sasuke's left eye twitched as Naruto continued to mock him.

**Hello! I am the Almighty Inner Sasuke! Or as they like to call me, Chibi Sasuke!**

_Where did you come from twirp?_

**I'm from your mind idiot! Um, heller! I'm your Inner, it means you have a split personality. DUH.**

_WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOU COULD CALL ME AN IDIOT?_

**Myself. No, wait it's yourself. Is it myself or yourself?**

_SHUT UP IDIOT!_

**Haha! You just called yourself an idiot!**

_Hn._

**Sasuke, I know you wanna Chidori him now...**

_Shut up._

**Chidori, Chidori, Chidori!**

_I said SHUT UP or you will be the one I'm gonna use a Chidori on..!_

**Oh really? Well then, let me remind you first that I'm you. Okay, you can Chidori me, I mean you, now..! **_***Snickers***_

_JUST SHUT UP WILL YOU?_

**Says the guy who wants to Chidori himself.**

_GAAAAHHH!_

"—th to Sasuke, hello? EARTH TO SASUKE!"

"WHAT?"

"Um Sasuke, are you okay? You've been twitching for like 10 minutes..."

"Hn."

"What the heck does that mean?"

"HN. It means get out of my apartment or else..."

"Or else what scaredy-cat?"

"Hehe..." He suddenly had an evil smirk, evil eyes and evil eyebrows on his face and fire came out of nowhere from the background as he started to walk towards Naruto.

"S-sasuke, I-I'm gonna go n-now... B-bye!" And he ran out of Sasuke's apartment while screaming.

"Tch. Dobe, who's the scaredy-cat now... Hey, wait! NARUTO! YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR MY DOOR!"

* * *

_(Several minutes of running later)_

Naruto leaned on a post, panting heavily. "That was a close one. I thought he was gonna Chidori-my-butt back there."

He pulled out a pen and a notebook from his pocket and wrote: _Remind to self: Visiting Sasuke is bad for your health. And fatal._

"Hey Naruto!" A bright, familiar voice greeted him.

He looked up from the post. "Oh hey Sakura!"

"Uh, why do you look tired?"

"Oh, I just flew away from the nest of evil, home of the evil chicken butt."

Sakura giggled at his statement. "You mean you ran out of Sasuke's apartment. Riiiight. But that was kinda mean..."

_Heck yeah! That statement was awesome Naruto!_

_**Haha! Hi-five girlfriend! Shannaro!**_

_Yah! *Hi-five* Wait, since when did you start talking Gangsta?_

_**I dunno, I just felt like it...**_

"Hehe, I couldn't help saying that."

"So, where are you heading to?"

"I don't know, but definitely away from 'Chickenbutt'... Well, where are you going?"

"I'm heading over to Kiba's, I promised him I'd bring him dog food—well of course for Akamaru, who else. Wanna come?"

"Sure thing!"

* * *

_(15 minutes of walking later)_

"Yo! Kiba my man!"

"Heya Naruto! Hi Saks!"

"Hi Kiba. Here's your dog food."

"Oh thanks, I've been waiting for this all lunch. Akamaru, come here!"

Seconds later, Akamaru appeared in the kitchen.

"Guys, wanna have lunch with us?"

"Oh sure!" Naruto and Sakura said.

Kiba placed 3 bowls of delicious, steaming chow-fan on the table which caused the two for their mouths to water. And then came Akamaru's dog food. Or at least they thought it was Akamaru's, but when they started eating, Kiba got on all fours and started eating out of the dog dish while Akamaru was eating the chow-fan with chopsticks.

Sakura and Naruto fell anime-style while Kiba and Akamaru looked at them with questioning faces. "What's the problem?"

The two just stared at the scene before them, eyes and hands twitching, thinking that a genjutsu was used on them or something. I mean come on! A person eating like a dog and a dog holding chopsticks with its paws? IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? Well maybe, but it's still awkward!

* * *

_(5 minutes of escaping Kiba's house later)_

They were now a few distances away from Kiba's house and near the Hokage's tower.

"..." Neither of them said a single word until Naruto said out loud—

"WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED?"

"NARUTO! KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN!" Tsunade's voice screamed back at him from the Hokage's tower.

"WELL KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN TOO GRANNY TSUNADE!"

Now Naruto made Tsunade a lot madder... "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT CALLING ME GRANNY? IT MAKES ME FEEL OLD!"

"WELL YOU REALLY ARE OLD!"

"WHY YOU LITTLE BRAT!"

Sakura just sweatdropped while looking at Naruto and the Hokage like a tennis match.

* * *

_(50 comebacks later)_

"TWIRP!"

"OLD WOMAN WHO IS STICK AND BONES!"

"FOR YOUR INFORMATION, MY SKIN IS FLAWLESS! AND I AM NOT STICK AND BONES YOU KNUCKLEHEAD!"

"OH YEAH! WELL YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE AN ORANGUTAN'S!"

"HOW DARE YOU, YOU, You, you... AARGH! GO AWAY! I have paperwork to deal with."

"Hah! You can't even think of a another comeback, Granny Tsunade."

"GAAAAHHH!" And she shut her window forcefully, which caused the glass to break.

"Whew, she's one chestnut of cuckoo. Hey Saku—ano, Sakura, are you okay?"

She was standing there, right eye twitching, her head still looking back and forth at Naruto and the Hokage's tower.

"Sakura?" Then Naruto snapped his finger in front of her.

"Who? What? Oh Naruto, it's just you..."

Naruto shrugged "Of course it is, who else would it be... Err, you were twitching back there for like 10 minutes. _Woah, reminds me of Sasuke back there._"

"Oh, sorry... Um, what now? I know! Let's visit Hinata!"

"Yeah. Okay!"

* * *

_(Two blinks of an eye later)_

"We're here Naruto."

_*Ding-dong* *Ding-dong*_

Seconds later, Hinata came to answer the door. "Oh! H-hi S-sakura-chan! Hi—"

Naruto tackled Hinata into a hug. "Hi Hinata-chan!"

Hinata blushed at this. Oh isn't she cute! "Oh, H-hi Naruto-kun! C-come in!"

They went inside the Hyuuga's house—mansion—and settled on the huge couch.

Then, all of a sudden, Neji burst into the living room out of nowhere and hugged Sakura tightly. "Oh SAKURA! MY DEAR SAKURA! I'VE WAITED FOR YOU MY LOVE!"

Naruto screamed in surprise and jumped off of the couch while pointing a finger at Neji in one fluid motion. "The HECK? Neji! Get off her! She's suffocating!"

Sakura just grasped for air, her face turning somehow between purple and blue. "Neji! G-get off of S-sakura-chan!"

Neji jumped off of her and stood beside Hinata, his face red while his left eye was twitching. "S-sorry Sakura, I'm taking these pills for my allergy that has this side effect..."

"Mmhmm. And what is the side effect exactly?"

"What?"

"It makes me hug and say things to girls whose names are Sakura..."

Naruto shouted. "WHO IN THE WORLD WOULD MAKE A PILL WITH THAT SIDE EFFECT? AND DOES THAT PERSON KNOW THAT THERE IS ONLY ONE SAKURA IN THE WHOLE OF KONOHA? KAMI-SAMA! IS THE WORLD GOING CRAZY?" And he just collapsed on the floor.

Hinata's face was full with terror. "Naruto-kun!" And she also collapsed on the floor.

Neji and Sakura just sweatdropped. "Uh-huh... I'll go now Neji, 'kay? I'll just leave Naruto here for a while."

Neji just stared at Sakura's retreating figure as she exited the Hyuuga's mansion and then screamed.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI! I HATE YOU!"

* * *

_(At Kakashi's house)_

"Hehe, looks like he fell for my special pills... Serves him right for ruining my date with Anko."

_=Flashback=_

_Anko and Kakashi entered the restaurant and he led her to their reserved seats. "Kakashi, this place is wonderful. I hope you didn't have to spend all your money on me."_

_"Anything for you, my darling. So, order anything you like."_

_(In the kitchen)_

_There stood a boy, pretending to be a chef, looking at the couple by a window with a mischievous smirk. "Hehe."_

_(10 minutes later)_

_Neji served them their orders and afterwards pulled out an article from his pocket and hid it first behind him. "Sir, Ma'am, may I show you something?"_

_Kakashi and Anko both had confused looks on their faces and afterwards said yes._

_"Tadaa!" and Neji showed Kakashi's underwear in front of their faces._

_Kakashi's face was red and held emotions such as embarrassment in front of Anko, anger towards the waiter, and confusion to how did the waiter get his underwear._

_Anko's face was green and she just puked and scolded the waiter. "How dare you show that to our faces!"_

_Neji just smirked under his mustache. "Ma'am, would you like to see the owner of this underwear?" And he showed her Kakashi's name written in blank ink on the underwear garter with a smiley face._

_"Gaaaahh!" And she slapped the waiter's face with her purse that caused his mustache to fall._

_She walked over to Kakashi and slapped him also with her purse and left..._

_Kakashi was furious and shot a death glare at the waiter but now he realized it was Neji without his mustache._

_"Eheh-heh-eh..." And he ran out of the restaurant._

_"NEJI!"_

_=End of flashback=_

* * *

_(At the Hyuuga mansion)_

"Uh, what just happened..?"

Naruto just woke up from his short coma and found Hinata still unconscious on the ground.

"Ahhh!" And he collapsed again.

* * *

_(Up in the clouds, beyond space)_

There was Life's House. Life just looked down at Konoha and found the familiar people he/she has been looking out for.

Choji was in a field of grass, asleep, surrounded by chips and chips and many more chips.

Shikamaru was with Choji but a few meters away from him, watching the clouds.

Gaara was scolding a cement mixer for mixing his sand into cement.

Temari was putting up his shrine for Shikamaru.

Kankuro was building a lie detector puppet a.k.a Pinocchio.

Life was getting bored of their lives so he/she just fast forwarded them and...

* * *

_(14 years later...)_

Choji and Ino were married the same day as Shikamaru and Temari. But Choji ate all the food, Ino scolded him and tried to kill him with a plastic fork. Shikamaru held Ino back while getting tired of Temari who's been babbling about her dress that was ruined by Gaara's cement.

Sakura and Sasuke were now famous singers. One gets crowded by men while the other gets tortured by women who are psychos and who are fighting to see who gets his shirt, his belt and his pants. Eventually, the paparazzi pictured him in his undies, it was posted in the internet, the posters made lots of money, the photo was printed by psychos and then he was doomed. Sakura comforted him and it all ended up like a cheesy love story.

Gaara was still scolding the cement mixer—only this time, he was pushed by an angry Temari and he was mixed in with his sand.

Kankuro tested his Pinocchio on himself and told his reflection in the mirror that he was handsome, the puppet said he was lying, Kankuro got confused then mad for saying he's lying that he's handsome, tortured the puppet and it self-destructed.

Naruto and Hinata were handed down the recipe for Ichiraku's ramen when Ichiraku said he couldn't cook anymore because of age. They expanded the business but unfortunately, Naruto got psycho because of the ramen that surrounded him and collapsed once again. Hinata collapsed too, eventually...

Anko and Kakashi fixed their relationship after the incident and smacked Neji a hundred times until they were satisfied but were stopped by Tenten. They were married... The sensei-couple had a Chibi Anko and a Chibi Kakashi and blabbity blabbity blah became a pervert like their father.

Neji was taken cared of by Tenten, had their first kiss, got a happy life and all that.

Life was satisfied so he closed the curtains.

THE END.

* * *

Naruto cast: _*Applause*_

Neji and tenten: _*Stood up from their seats_* STANDING OVATION!

_'Blah blah blah...'_ Thank you, thank you... _*Bows*_

Well, that's all for today folks.


End file.
